unconfident

Still remember once when my teacher asked me for the reason of rejecting her recommendation to make me the class monitor when I was still a Form One student, I answered, "I don't want to burden myself by giving myself additional responsibility." And guess what, I was scolded. Some sentences from her speech still remained in my mind until today. "How are you going to take care of your family, and how are you going to survive in future if you are scared of responsibilities?" It was then that I realised what a coward I was, not being dared enough to bear consequences due to a lack in confidence. Anyway, that incident caused no impact on me, how pathetic...

It was so irony for someone who is so unconfident in carrying most of the tasks in life, like me to ask others always to have faith in themselves. Recently, due to my lack in confidence and fear for bearing consequences, driving somehow appears to be a great challenge for me. When people ask me to drive, I'll try to reject. But, no worries because I'm working on it now. Wish me luck to find back my confidence in driving and in whatever things I do. I'm off to go...

Tiredness

Under the scorchingly hot sun, my shirt was soaking wet with perspiration, the perspiration of fear, disappointment and stress. Turning the knob, I gave the door a shove that it swung open widely. My little bed came right into sight. The textbook, calculator, stationery, papers in my bag were mentally so heavy that I had to drag my shoes along, all the way to my table. Prammm..., my bag got landed forcefully on the chair. The fan was switched to maximum speed. Taking off my shirt, I just fell onto my bed like a stone sinking into the sea. The sound of the fan was the only melody in my ears. I did not care if my sweaty back would make the bed sheet dirty. My shoes were still on and I was still in my tight jeans. With ear phones "plugged" in my ears, I was looking up at the fluorescent light. It was so bright. Many things flashed through my mind so quickly that I could barely remember them. Already Gone was the first song played. This sad song made me more emotional. My mind started to flutter and my eyelids were drooping. Soon, I found myself lying motionlessly with a calm yet depressed mind. I couldn't move a single muscle although I was still awake. Even if there was a man with a knife standing right in front of me, I think there won't be any reaction from me. I was so exhausted that even my involuntary reflex system couldn't function. Soon, I was sleeping like a log.

Oh, it's three already, which was the exact time my replacement chemistry lecture started. Taking my pencil case and calculator in one hand, I ran to the lecture hall. Gasping for air, I stepped into the lecture hall and found my lecturer standing inside. I was going to take a seat at the behind row when he suddenly shouted: "Hey you, come in front please!" I was still blurred at that time....

National Day Weekend

Finally, it was weekend again but this was a special one because we would have Monday holiday. Moreover, my roommate went KL. So, the whole room was mine. Hahahahaha. But CY, I didn't touch you thing, don't worry.

As free as a bird after my ICIS lab on friday noon, I washed my clothes and got my finger warm-up for FIFA09 by facebook-ing first. The tough France team got me rematching the game over and over again. My focus disconnected from FIFA when JL called me for badminton. Actually, I was considered beginner in badminton, and I think that's why JL invited me to play so he can bully me. Haha. Mason, CS and David followed along. It was nice. My badminton skills improved, by a minute amount, I think, maybe I hope. Exhausted, I accidentally kicked a senior's file left on the floor. Luckily, the senior was the friendly-type. The game left me with hangover - the aches and pain all around my body, as I didn't warm-up. In the evening, my friend rent a car and brought us out to Tronoh for food. We also went Taman Maju. AND one more thing, I was so reckless to leave my handphone on top of the car and finally realised it when we stopped for petrol-filling. Luckily, the handphone didn't fly off when the car was moving.

There was nothing special on Saturday. I online the whole afternoon and went to play basketball in the evening. At night, I went to watch football with Mason. It was a big match. Manchester United vs Arsenal. MU led 2-1. At the last minute, Arsenal equalised but it was an offside violation. We shouted and cheered like hell until I was too excited to sleep. Anyway, it was not a good performance by MU. Later JL came to my room to sing and Arria came later on to chat. We planned to go for "sahur" at 6am but V2 cafe already closed so we headed back to sleep.

Of course, I skipped Sunday morning. Bearing some mild muscle ache, I still went to play basketball at 10pm. We played with a few pro Malays. I was overcome with fatigue but it feels good to sweat this much. And one more thing, frankly, I really forgot about the National Day countdown. Haha.

It was National Day but I didn't sense any spirit of patriotism around. No sports for Monday. My drama team spent about 3 hours to roughly finish a draft of our script. At night, I had to start rushing for chemistry tutorial. This was the consequences of having the quote "Revising and doing assignment are prohibited in weekends". I didn't even understand what the questions wanted and I wasn't sure what time only I could finish it. So please don't try this in university...

Back to UTP

I got back to UTP at the 17th of July. It was a sad day for me as I had to leave my comfort zone and my family once again. No more mom's cooking but Malay food. No more fast internet but slow-crawling LAN. No more air-conditioned room but "spa room". No more TV programmes but lectures. The office in Block O had already closed when I reached there so I had to sleep at my friends' room. Shock was my only reaction when I saw one of my friends there with his newly-dyed gold colour hair.

When I went for registration for my room the other morning, I was told that there was no more rooms available for me in V2-A and V2-B where my friends lived. Yang and I were abadoned as we had to stay in V2-D. Our neighbours were all seniors who we didn't know. It was still crowded at 12am but silence fell at about 1am. The first thing that came into my eyes when I stepped into my room were lots and lots of cigarrette butts. I wonder how they could smoke until such level. And from the picture, you can also see the dust accumulated on the floor. The curtain was so dirty that I needed to wash it. It wasn't easy works at all to clean up the room.

The cigarrettes butts and dust under my bed

Zoomed

All the rubbish

About the lectures, they were boring as usual. The lecturers were a bit stricter. Both Chemistry and Physics lecturer like asking questions, so it was far more dangerous compared to last semester. I joined some events this semester as a committee and get a little more busy. I had to run over here and there to register for the labs and tutorials which almost drive me crazy.

I went to Ipoh at the 18th before all the lectures started to buy some necessities. I bought nothing but only a big bottle of 5.5L water. Carrying it up and down the bus and travelling from places to places with it was tiring. And before we had to eat Malay food in the cafe for weeks, we indulged ourselves with something tempting in Ipoh.

I think I'll enjoy more in the second semester here in UTP. But we'll see then.

Market

After being dragged away from my lovely bed, my mom brought me along to the market or I should say "pasar tani" this morning with my father. There were so many people. It had been quite a few years since my last time to the market. The sun was high up in the sky although it was just nine. There were lots of stalls selling all kinds of thing but I was engrossed with a fish stall. There were all kinds of fish, including two small hammerhead sharks. In the other hand, the fishmonger was chopping a big sword fish into parts. There were three or four more on his lorry as the picture taken. This is the first time I saw a real sword fish.

see the sword fishes?

Fruit stalls

seas of people

I took only a few pictures because I thought that snapping pictures around in the market would make me look like a hyperactive child who had never been there. Haha. My parents briefed me about some vegetables and fruits but nothing was embedded in my mind. Haha. We bought a few things and headed home as soon as possible before it got even hotter.

an ordinary day

Today is another ordinary day but I would like to make it a point on my life graph by jotting down some events happened today here. This morning, I woke up late, took my breakfast and stuck in front of my laptop again. At 2pm, my sis drove my bro and I to have our new haircut. She had to wait for about an hour and half to get us our new hairstyle. But, I think, the hour and half was worth waiting because my sis and mom said my hair is nice. Anyone who wish to see my new haircut? Haha.

Then before heading home, we dropped by Alor Star Mall to buy my bro a new pair of slippers. My bro only noticed that he left his slippers in one of the restaurants in Alor Star Mall before we stepped into our house. So, we headed back there and had a movie, "Ice Age 3" instead of going back. It was quite nice and funny but "Transformers 2, Revenge of the Fallen" is still top in my list of favourite movies.

At night, there was a heavy downpour with deafening thunder. And, "thack"! the automatic switch or the fuse box closed the passage of electricity to protect the house's electrical appliances from the high-energy overvoltages caused by lightning. There was a blackout. We dared not turn the switch on again because the lightning can still be seen flashing across the sky. My family and I had dinner in a romantic atmosphere with candles all around. Mosquitoes and heat were the spoilers! hahaha. At about 11pm when we came out of the room, our house were engulfed by smoke. We forgot to close the electric cooker and the curry boiled until too dry. Don't worry, there were no sophisticated smoke detectors or water sprinkler mounted in my house. I am dry. I am safe. Just that the scorched food's smell will keep on haunting my house for another day, I think.

origami robot

Boredom invaded me while I was having my daily task - online. Numbness forced me to stand up to move about before I became a statue in front of the laptop. Suddenly, I thought of doing something I used to do when I was a child. Opening the cupboard, I took out some pieces of papers and started trying to fold them into something, anything. Then, I got something. It looked like a jet. Anyway, it looked so... erm.. I should say incomplete. A second look at it gave me an idea that it could be the body part of a robot (inspired by transformer, although I haven't seen it yet). I started making other body parts and glued them together. Finally, I got this.

I also added a sword for "him".

I showed my mom and guess what. She said that I'm too free until have time to do these stuff. She'll give me some house chores. Haha. But really, I don't help my mom much in doing house chores after coming back from utp. Now, this robot is given to my cousin already. She will need it more than me.